Saturday, October 22, 2011

On the Move!!

The Ghetto Gay Hillbilly Variety Show is MOVING!!!

To help expedite and make blogging life easier, I'm moving over to Tumblr.  Love Google & Blogger, but simplicity at Tumblr is better.

Check us out at our new spot:

See you there!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Hello Kiddos -

It's been a few days since I wrote anything down other than status updates on FB, so I thought I'd drop a few verses.

First, I had a lil smoking habit creep back that was leftover from Ham Days - kicked that to the curb so I'm good to go now.

Still feeling good, still under 2000 every day, and  15.2lbs lost so far since I started this about 2 weeks ago.  I am working my way towards another goal that I'm not ready to put out there yet, but it's working towards a more aggressive approach.  For now, I'm taking my own steady approach to it, and getting into the rhythm.  Once I feel like I'm in that rhythm, then time to push harder :)

So far there's only been one true relapse.  I just fell apart that day - I think it was week 1.  On week 2, I did have a weak moment and had a small square of a brownie.  At a Halloween party, I did have somewhat unhealthy bruschetta - but not out of control - and still maintained my calorie goal.  Also did our first DJ gig and ate healthy & didn't feel hungry during it - shakes, carrots, celery, no fat dip, popcorn.  Week 3 here we are.  Not just salads anymore - real food, salads, shakes, etc.  No fried, no breaded, no fast food, no gorging, no pop, no sugar, no corn syrup, lots of chicken, and a lil 96/4 beef.

Have had a couple of minor chopping injuries lol  Nothing bad, just annoying because it's been on the tips of my finger and one on my thumb, and then trying to get a band-aid around that sucks.  And then I'm supposed to type all day.  haha

In the next 5lb loss, I'm assuming will probably have me recalculate my BMR - how much calories I burn just existing - and I may drop below 2000 calories goal.  We'll see.  I think I'll be fine.  One thing I've got to work on is exercise.  I did it one day - and haven't done much since except cooking and some binder stuff that got me sweating at work lol  Transitioning to getting back on the treadmill must occur.

I'll keep you posted :)  Keep on eating green stuff!!  (I think I put spinach in everything I cook now lol)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Taco Salad Soup

I know it's been a few days since I posted, but been busy staying BELOW my calorie count, getting ready for a DJ gig, working on my new job, etc.

But I have a new recipe for you.  Now, I agree it's a bit high on the fat side, and I will cut that next time I make it by reducing the cheese & taking out the bacon bits - live and learn :)  But OMG it's delicious!  All ingredients and counts right below except for seasonings, which follow in cooking directions - try it!  It's goood!

Spices:  Dash of Salt, Ground pepper to taste, onion powder, dash of Emmeril's essence, cumin, chili powder, dash of tobasco, garlic powder.
  1. Get your big soup pan - the big one, not the huge stock one but the 3 quart one.  Add the olive oil in the bottom, heat.  
  2. Throw in the chicken - yeah we're gonna cook it IN the stock pan.  Take ALL the spices and put them on top of the chicken, cover and let cook for I don't know say 5 minutes on high.
  3. Things starting to burn?  Good!  That's flavor people!  Now flip the chicken, hang out for 1 minute, then add about 1/3 cup of water.
  4. While that's a-brewing, take the chicken stock powder, add it to 4 cups of hot water.  Whisk the hell out of it and then add the rice.
  5. Make sure all your veggies are chopped - not too fine, but in nice chunks.  
  6. Once you think the chicken is just about done, pour the chicken stock & rice water in the pan (still on high!), and add all the veggies & cheese.
  7. When everything is good and bubbling, add in the sour cream, stir stir stir.  Add water if you don't think it's enough - but slowly!
  8. Let it boil for eh maybe 5-7 minutes, take off the heat, and let it sit a good 15 minutes - helps to thicken and marry the tastes.
  9. Top with the bacon bits (or for less fat, don't) and serve!
I think the secret here is that I never drain anything.  I just cook everything in the same pan and never ever take anything out.  All the wonderful taste can do nothing but melt into this delicious creamy soup!

Bon Apetit'!!!

PS - notice I never cut the chicken into chunks.  Well it's up to you.  This served 2 of us, and to make sure both of us got the same amount of chicken, I left the chicken whole then took it out with tongues and used kitchen shears to chunk it up equally into 2 bowls, then added the soup.  But you can certainly cut it up before you even cook it - up to you!  And remember to take all the totals and divide by 2 to get the PER SERVING totals!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Change It Up!

If you been following, you'll know that for the past 2 weeks or less, we've been eating healthy by using lots of fruit/veggie shakes & salads served underneath a simple chicken breast.  We've changed it up a couple of times but that's been our mainstay.

This week so the brain & body don't get bored, we're changing it up.  In the mornings, we've been having a shake or "alien eggs"; this week, switching to only banana protein shakes for breakfast.  In the afternoon, it's been mostly shakes; this week we're going with different soups/stews common in the fall.  For dinner, it's been mostly salad with chicken; this week, salads are staying but as a side dish, with different things like healthy chili & healthy lasagna.  

I'm still feeling good - the big weigh-in is in the morning.  Still drinking my water.  And I've discovered apples are my friends :) Still maintaining under 2120 calories everyday - most days well under 2000; although I try to get closer so I'm not starving myself.  

More tips and lessons tomorrow, but for now I leave you with my recipe for my lunch tomorrow:  Curry Chicken Butternut Squash Bisque :) Yummmmy!

Yeah I totally cheated on the ingredient list and just snipped from  But basically you just heat up the Bisque; Throw in everything but the chicken.  Cook the chicken, then throw it in.  Oh spices!  Add a tablespoon of curry powder, dash of salt, dash of pepper, and roll on!

Hope ya like it!

PS - the numbers beside the food is the calorie count; total = 321

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Germs are bad.... Wheat Germs that is...

As I said I would yesterday, I did an experiment today to test a theory.  It turns out, I believe my theory is correct.

I started out the day with just some scrambled eggs.  Then I killed my eating until about 5pm today.  I needed to start out with a fairly empty gut.  I ran to Meijer's and bought some pasta & a few other other ingredients.  I came back and made some Mac & Cheese.  I also made a healthy lasagna for actual dinner.

Normally, after eating that much pasta (sometimes even while eating it) my body would just hate me.  I would be super bloated - and I do mean super.  My face would be hot, break out into a sweat, and even the next day it would seem to trigger eczema issues - red, itchy skin.  It would just be awful but dumbass me of course would never let go of the pasta.  This actually led to a lot of sick days a year or two ago, when we would eat pizza, I would just hurt so bad the next day - and my whole face would swell up, eyes all itchy.  I did quit pizza for awhile.

I always attributed this to the carbs.  While on the Atkins diet, any time I would fall off by eating pastas or breads (lots of carbs), my body would have that reaction and I so I associated this with an overload of carbs.

Last week, we threw a cup or so of WHEAT pasta in our salad to up calories and to change it up.  Just that little bit of pasta - and even though it was wheat - my body just flipped out on me.  I probably can't convey in words how just blah my body would be.

But tonight... my body had NONE of those reactions.  I feel completely normal and full.  (And still under my calorie count fyi).  So what the hell?  I bought GLUTEN-FREE pasta.  After last week of having just a little bit of wheat pasta, I was thinking there is no reason that small amount should cause my body to freak out.  So I started researching.

My theory?  I am glutent-intolerant aka have a gluten allergy.  Now it looks like there are 2 versions:  celiac disease and just allergy.  My inclination is that I am not celiactic (is that a word?) but instead my obesity has caused my body to develop an allergy to gluten.  All the years of sandwiches, pasta, breads, even oats - I mean omg no wonder!  They say if you go gluten-free you can repair the lining in your gut in about 3-6 months and life will feel even better - so that's now added to the goal list.

I am truly amazed that I ate that much pasta and I feel normal.  It makes soooooooo much sense.  I'm not even tired as I usually am.  It's just awesome.  Not that I want to eat that much pasta every day or even have pasta every day, but to finally figure this out feels great.  Of course, I will follow up with a gluten allergy test at the doctor's to confirm, but I feel fairly confident.

So if you're feeling like crap after eating wheat/flour/and a whole host of other related things - check out the gluten allergy theory.  It could explain so many things.

Friday, October 7, 2011


OMG New posts!?!?!?  Crazy right?  Gawd... I read over this blog and it is a hot mess.  I look at all the stuff I've done to try to lose weight and it hasn't worked.

Let's hope this one works.  Feeling good so far.  Transferred my FB notes to the blog - see past 3 posts.

More to come tomorrow :)


Not much new food to post as far as recipes go.  Yesterday, I learned some lessons, so I thought I'd share.

  • More calories early:  By the afternoon, I had only had about 400 calories between breakfast and lunch shakes.  I crashed come 2pm, and probably my sugar plummeted, broke out in a cold sweat, and felt like fainting.  Luckily, I found a 80some calorie chocolate candy in the office and I stabilized.  BUT... lesson learned, eat as many calories as you can in the morning, a lil less in the afternoon, and well it'd be nice if the minority of the calories are at night but that's another issue for later.  Today at 8am I've already had 500 calories and I feel great.  Another 200ish calories for lunch and I"m good to go.  No more crashing.  But just in case, carry a banana or apple with you in case of sugar emergency.  Thanks Berty!
  • Carboration:  I'm guessing that because I've pretty much killed most "white" food from my diet that I may have gone into a light form of ketosis (see Atkins) this week even with the sugary fruit.  Because I had over 1600 calories to expend last evening because of my early day low intake, I decided to throw in some wheat pasta in our salad to mix things up.  While the pasta itself was only about 197 calories extra, and although it was wheat, the carbs made me feel like the blob.  I bloated up, and I'm sure the carbs soaked up all that water I drank, and gave me a nice lil tummy ache by this morning.  So if you're low on calories and you want to add some, try to do something that's not so high on the glycemic index otherwise you could start bloating and floating.  Not saying that you should go into Atkins ketosis mode, but if you're relatively low on carbs, add some back real slow and not with things like pasta or bread.
Also thought of a couple more tips to add:

  • Slow Water:  Drink a lot of water to keep hydrate, BUT don't gulp down 8oz in 30 seconds.  That can throw your whole sodium balance in your body out of whack and make you feel funky.  Drink the water throughout the day - like I have a huge 48oz mug on my desk.  It takes me about 4 hours to get through it & I feel nice and watery.
  • PB Dessert:  One thing that did my body right during Atkins was peanut butter.  I did the same thing last night - had a sweet tooth craving, so I took a big tablespoon of extra crunch peanut butter and just ate it.  Eat it in bites - not the whole spoon.  But this always seemed to stabilize my system and satisfy all the senses.
  • Measurements:  I feel pretty confident in my measuring of most food stuffs because I've cooked for a long time, but one thing I apparently suck at is measuring pasta.  Last night though we did measure out the pasta.  I took in my hand what we would normally eat back in the day, and cooked it, thinking there was no way it would result in more than 2 cups of cooked pasta.  By hell, we ended up with !4! cups of pasta!  No wonder we were on carb overload before!!!  So even if you feel confident about your eye measuring, do a lil reality check sometimes just to be sure.
Ok that's all for now.  Happy Eating :)

Somethiiiiiiin something about this foood I be eatin....


So I told y'all if I felt like it I'd put the stuff on here I'm eating since some of you or some weird person out in the world may want to try it....  Herrrrrrrrre we go:


Green Alien Eggs - 449 calories

- 1 clove garlic
- 1 Tsp tobasco
- 2 oz Soy milk
- 1 slice imitation cheese 
- 8 Tbsp picante sauce
- 1/8 cup spinach raw
- 1/8 cup kale
- 3 eggs

CHOP garlic, cheese, spinach, kale in a food processor or knife it or whatever - lil bitty pieces.  Throw in the pan with a lil vegetable oil (non flour) spray, start to heat.
MIX 3 eggs & soy milk, pour in the pan
COOK this stuff til the eggs are nice n fluffy and yes they'll be green.
Serve with a side of picante sauce and dot with tobasco sauce.  I scoop the eggs in the sauce.  Good stuff.

2 cups of my coffee = 35 calories/ea = 70 calories total

Lurnch:  Tropical Breakfast shake- 345 calories

- 1/2 Banana
- 1/8 cup kale
- 1/3 cup spinach
- 2oz baby carrots
- 2 oz soy milk
- 1 scoop vanilla whey protein
- 1 TBSP crunch peanut butter

PULVERIZE some ice, spinach, and kale in blender.
ADD everything else to the blender.  PULVERIZE SOME MORE!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!

I put mine in a single serving type thermos and pack it with me for lunch.  And just drink :) i swear it taste like it got coconut in there

DINNNNNNNER!!!  Pan Chicken, steamed Broccoli, side super salad - 1022 calories

Better than Green Alien Eggs, yes? :)
- Chicken breast
- 1 Tbsp olive oil
- 1 cup raw broccoli
- 1/4 romaine heart, chopped
- 1/2 cup spinach
- 1/3 cup cucumbers
- 1/3 cup red onion
- 1/2 cup shredded cheese
- 3 Tbsp ranch dressing
- 1/2 cup peas
- 2 Tbsp of croutons or like 4 or 5

CHICKEN:  I put that vegetable spray in the pan, throw in olive oil, turn the heat up high, cover the upside with my favorite seasoning - NO SALT!  pepper or garlic or tonight it was mrs. dash's italian medley.  Cook til it's done flip and all that.

BROCCOLI:  couldn't find my steamer, so i just boiled a pot of water, and used my metal strainer and put over it and steamed the broccoli that way.  I didn't put any seasoning on the broccoli - i know i was boring.  DIDN'T I SAY NO SALT!

Salad - just chop up all that other stuff after broccoli up there and toss it.  Yeah the cheese, croutons, and ranch are killers - but my gawd... I gotta live a lil and i'm on day 3.  by about week 2 i'd like to cut back to ranch, replace it with balsamic vinegar, and kill the cheese & croutons completely.

There you have it!!  A grande total of 1886 calories and big as I am - this app says in order to lose 2lbs a week, I'm allowed up to 2120 calories.  But I also walked for 30 mins and stood cooking and that gives me 340 calories back.  So technically i still have 574 calories to burn.  Which I'm not gonna.

Have fun!!!

Diet.... Shmiet....

Well I been updating my status about this stuff I've been eating for the past couple o days and people are asking what weirdo diet I'm on now.

What diet is it? I have no idea. It's just eating the good stuff in different ways and in moderation.

I'm 36 years old and I'm morbidly obese. OMG. I said it outloud - better yet, my actual weight is 347.8lbs as of today. BMI is like 51.2. It's horrible. But might as well be honest about what is and just have it out there. It ain't like you can really hide that much weight in clothing anyways. So my tip is - weigh, don't be shy, and just come to terms with the fact that you're fat. You're unhealthy. And it sucks. The good news? I'm not (and you're not) dead - yet! So there's still hope :)

I've been eating all the wrong stuff for a long time. I've drank too much, smoked too much, sat down too much, etc etc. If you can't admit all these bad things about yourself then you gotta get there first. Otherwise, don't worry about buying all this healthy food because it won't do you know good if you're still in denial.

I figure for me, my body, I'm just as good an expert as any dietician/Doctor/etc. I've done just about every diet in the book. Fad diets don't work - especially those that have an infomercial that starts out by saying "fad diets don't work!". We need to eat, eat good, eat often, but not doublecheeseburgers with fries and a coke. We know what's good for us - we just don't eat it cuz we've conditioned our taste buds so much with the fast food that we enjoy the bad stuff more than the good stuff. So we just gotta suck it up, eat the good bad-tasting stuff until we reprogram the taste buds.

Do I have any rules? I guess - I dunno. Some things I've learned from other diets that actually are true and make sense and work:
  • Too many carbs are bad since they just make you feel all blah and you crash and burn. So anything with all that corn syrup or more sugar than nutrients doesn't work for most people.
  • Stay away from fast food. Unless you're getting salads from there, it's unlikely that any of it has much nutritional value and will just make you blah. Even in sit-down restaurants getting the good stuff and it being a good value doesn't happen very often. Go to the grocery, cook, chop, blend, and stay home.
  • When you go to the grocery store, stay away from the middle aisles. Stay on the perimeter of the stores where the fresh meat & fresh produce are located. I do sneak in the middle to get that Quinoa stuff that is a whole protein but otherwise - RUN away from the middle aisles! lol
  • You need as much un-processed food as possible. All this fat-free, low fat, omg-this-is-good-for-u-just-cuz-we-put-it-on-the-label food is unnecessary and not even good for you. Real food has some fat in it. We need it. Some have cholesterol, carbs, sugars, and other stuff that we've been told is omg so bad - well we need some of that stuff to function - that's why it's in the food naturally! What we don't need is unnatural addition of this stuff to food and trust me if they are taking some of it out - like fat free - then they've added something else like sodium or sugar to make it taste better and entice us to eat more of it. So while it may be fat free it still sucks - just in another way. So don't buy that - just buy the real thing in the produce aisle.
  • Usually the darker color of the fruit or veggie, the better it is for you. Dark green leafy stuff is good for you. Blueberries, blackberries, raspberries - all deep in color are great for you. Bland white potatoes? Not so much. In moderation - sure.
  • As Momma Laura has said Everything in Moderation is okay. If you could actually do cocaine in moderation it probably wouldn't be bad for you. It's when you eat so much of something that it kills you. Even if you went wild and ate a gazillion stalks of kale, it'd be harmful somehow at some point. So just don't go crazy over one thing.
So what I am doing:

- Morning shake: Bananas, spinach, soy milk, protein powder and other stuff - but those three things are basically the building block for the morning shake.

- Lunch shake: Kale, berries, yogurt, protein powder, and other stuff - this one is kinda making me sleepy so I gotta figure that out.

- Dinner: Salad on crack! Half chicken breast, kale, spinach, romaine, ranch, cheese, bacon pieces, croutons, eggs, celery, carrots, red onion, broccoli, garlic cloves.... who knows what else. Lotta green stuff. Some meat. Some "evil" stuff but just a lil (ranch, croutons).

- Snack Shake: Pineapple, protein powder, water, ice, strawberry. This is kinda like dessert. Smaller shake.

But we're gonna switch up ingredients but still stay on those same guidelines. Also, if we can find ways to still have lower calorie ways of eating these types of food instead of a shake, we'll mix that in too - like we had scrambled eggs this morning but it was full of kale, spinach, garlic, and all good stuff.

So there you have it. There is no recipe book. I just am doing what feels right. And no I'm not talking about the way that a snickers bar feels right. You know what I'm talking about.

OHhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah.... We ARE counting calories, and Ed is counting cholesterol too. My current goal caloric intake is 2250 - but see our bodies burn certain amount of calories just sitting on your butt. Breathing, peeing, showering, etc. all takes some energy. And if you're big like me - I'm burning about 2500 calories a day already. NOW does that mean you should sit on your butt? Well no. My goal is 30 mins a day, 3 times a week. If you fail, just start again. It ain't easy.

OH and we're using the MyFitnessPal app if you wanna add us on there - djjazzyj - I don't remember Ed's but he's one of my friends on there.

I wonder how many calories I burned typing this? Feels like 9million. Jeez. Bye people :)