Friday, May 8, 2009
Get It Together...
There are no quality men out there to be found - who has not had this conversation? I've been having this conversation for a very long, and we always seem to find some temporary answers, but nothing sustaining. And don't think I have a sustaining answer for you now - sorry to disappoint.
I have a few friends who are single and 30something. Now I'm not calling no names, so when these friends read this, no need to out yourself by flipping out in the comments section. :)
But I've tried to give them words of wisdom, and I feel as though I may have failed them because the longer we go down this road, the less wisdom I have to offer. I've been blessed to have found a perfect mate, and I'm sure I get so wrapped up in my relationship that I ponder about the single life less and less, which leaves me at a disadvantage when trying to give meaningful advice to my single friends.
The advantage though is that althought we have these "where are the good men" conversations, we're old enough to know what the answers are already, but we know that it is soothing to the soul to vocalize these things to our friends - to be heard, to have someone listen, and not have all these negative conversations in one's own head.
So...where are all the good men (women)? We can't seem to find them. The only real answer we can come up with is they are out there, and eventually we'll find them. However, time is precious, and we see those around us getting hitched, and we start to question our own abilities to find a mate.
True, you gotta be happy with yaself before you can be
happy with anyone else. Some of us didn't figure that out early enough, but we were lucky enough to figure it out, and work through our relationships. For those that are still single, looking around at their mated friends, the single mind starts looking in the mirror and the criticizing of one's own self begins. Sure, some folks go through life and never question the fact that something might be wrong with them and that is why they are single, but my friends have done the introspective exploration, and have made peace with themselves.
My friends have actually gotten it together. They are productive members of society. They are gainfully employed, self-supportive, and are for the most part are comfortable with being who they are.
So what is the problem? Maybe they are too confident? No, we've had that discussion. They are confident in themselves, but not cocky. If someone is intimidated by their confidence, then that person has self-confidence issues.
The only problem I can come up with is not being able to find that mate who also got it together. First impressions are so false these days. I've met a good majority of my friends' potential romantic interests, and I'm telling you people (esp. men) these days can pull off a gooooood front! Then my friends put forth effort into slowly building a relationship, and eventually the truth comes out - it always does, don't be lying, just tell people shit up front because the truth is ALWAYS going to come out - I promise you. And when it does, we find they got 5 babies and 7 babies' mommas, living with a girl you didn't know about for 6 months, got fired 4 months ago, living with the parents and no desire to move out, just looking for sex, a total psycho, & the list goes on and on.
Some of these issues, my friends may even be willing to work through - had they known up front. But you can't build a relationship up for a few months, thinking there is trust, and then you spring something on them that far in, and expect everything to be gravy. All the trust just went poof!
We all know the woes of finding a partner, I guess I don't need to keep on keeping on about the stories. But where is the hope? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?
I do have hope for my friends. I look at them and they are great people - and I'd be the first to tell them if they were whacky and they are the reason for being single - but I just don't see it. To me, they look like prime relationship material. But I've been domesticated, so maybe that's a problem with my viewpoint?
Anyhow, back to the hope. I do have a great deal of hope at their outlook on finding a good mate. Why? Because I know if I have these wonderful friends that have gotten it together, they surely cannot be the only single people who have their lives together.
We just have to find those other people, and get it all together. Any ideas on where? The internet and the club ain't worked so far...
So my friends move on, and hope the next man/woman can get it together...
"Get it together,
You wanna heal your body,
You have to heal your heart
Whatsoever you sow you will reap,
Get it together...." - India Arie